August 28, 2011
Dear You,
You responded to the letter I wrote you. You said, “Ok. After looking through things, I cannot say this enough; I am not going back. I am so happy with who I am and where my life is. I love her so very much. She is everything I want and need. I will not give that up. If you can’t handle that, I’m sorry, but that is your problem, not mine. I need you to understand that completely.” I wrote you back saying I did understand completely. You then wrote, “I saw your posts on Facebook. I appreciate the apology, you know that. At the risk of sounding cruel, that is just something you will need to live with.” I told you that it wasn’t cruel, it was true. I said I expect nothing of you and I just want you to be happy.
I’m so glad you wrote me. I know you don’t want to be with me and you’ve moved on to someone else, but you wrote me. You read my letter and you looked back through my Facebook post. You cared enough to do that and for now, that is enough.
I’m sitting here now accepting the reality that I am going to live this life alone. It strangely almost feels like a relief. I know my future now and I can accept it. Two things are possibly going to happen. Either you will forgive me and someday we will be together, or I will learn to be content with myself and my life alone.
I need to learn to change the way I think about you and relate to you. Basically, I need to learn to be loyal and friendly, which will be no problem. But, I have to get rid of the sex…I’m not sure yet how I’m going to do that. How am I going to sit next to you and not think about making love to you? That has always been my thought process. I promise to try not to think about the hundred times we made love together. I will not imagine how beautiful you looked lying naked in my arms. I will not think about the way your skin felt under my lips, the way your tongue tasted on mine. I won’t remember how easily you made me cry out in ecstasy over and over again until I couldn’t breathe or speak. I won’t hear the echoes of the beautiful sounds that came from your lips as I made love to you. Truthfully, I can’t promise that I won’t think of you that way, but I do promise not a word will come out of my mouth about it.
Right now all this is choking me with emotion. I don’t wear mascara any more because it never stays on. I cry every day. Right now, it feels like I screwed up my life and I’ll never be happy again. I pray that as time goes by the acute pain will subside and I can find some kind of contentment. I hope you are part of that contentment in whatever small way you will allow me to be a part of your life.
Forever yours,
Me
Dear You,
You responded to the letter I wrote you. You said, “Ok. After looking through things, I cannot say this enough; I am not going back. I am so happy with who I am and where my life is. I love her so very much. She is everything I want and need. I will not give that up. If you can’t handle that, I’m sorry, but that is your problem, not mine. I need you to understand that completely.” I wrote you back saying I did understand completely. You then wrote, “I saw your posts on Facebook. I appreciate the apology, you know that. At the risk of sounding cruel, that is just something you will need to live with.” I told you that it wasn’t cruel, it was true. I said I expect nothing of you and I just want you to be happy.
I’m so glad you wrote me. I know you don’t want to be with me and you’ve moved on to someone else, but you wrote me. You read my letter and you looked back through my Facebook post. You cared enough to do that and for now, that is enough.
I’m sitting here now accepting the reality that I am going to live this life alone. It strangely almost feels like a relief. I know my future now and I can accept it. Two things are possibly going to happen. Either you will forgive me and someday we will be together, or I will learn to be content with myself and my life alone.
I need to learn to change the way I think about you and relate to you. Basically, I need to learn to be loyal and friendly, which will be no problem. But, I have to get rid of the sex…I’m not sure yet how I’m going to do that. How am I going to sit next to you and not think about making love to you? That has always been my thought process. I promise to try not to think about the hundred times we made love together. I will not imagine how beautiful you looked lying naked in my arms. I will not think about the way your skin felt under my lips, the way your tongue tasted on mine. I won’t remember how easily you made me cry out in ecstasy over and over again until I couldn’t breathe or speak. I won’t hear the echoes of the beautiful sounds that came from your lips as I made love to you. Truthfully, I can’t promise that I won’t think of you that way, but I do promise not a word will come out of my mouth about it.
Right now all this is choking me with emotion. I don’t wear mascara any more because it never stays on. I cry every day. Right now, it feels like I screwed up my life and I’ll never be happy again. I pray that as time goes by the acute pain will subside and I can find some kind of contentment. I hope you are part of that contentment in whatever small way you will allow me to be a part of your life.
Forever yours,
Me
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