My year in review

(I started this entry as a look at the past year and it is basically morphing into my coming out story. I will have to feed it to you in instalments due to time constrains i.e. work!)

I heard today on the radio that twenty ten is the proper way to say the year we are in...who knew, well, now we do. I have been meaning to share some thoughts on what this past year meant to me. New years are always kind of a big deal for me. I'm not down with resolutions because let's face it, I don't have anywhere near enough discipline to actually make them happen. But, I do like to take the opportunity to reflect on where I've been and where I'm going.

I call 2008 "the lost year" It was a year of floundering, confusion, pain and disappointment.

Two thousand nine was an incredibly life changing year for me. When I think back about where I was only 365 days ago, it blows my mind. I was living with my parents, my entire life held in one room. My chainsaw carvings were not selling, but I didn't have the ambition to get a different job. My entire life and thought process was wrapped up in the struggle of coming to terms with my sexuality. I couldn't believe the way I was feeling, but I couldn't deny it. I looked back on my life and every piece fit into place, everything that didn't make sense as a strait woman made perfect sense as a lesbian. I pushed it out of my head, I prayed it would go away, prayed for forgiveness, but I knew that I would not be a peace with myself until I let what I was feeling come out into the light and take me where it wanted to go.

Anyone who knows me, knows I am an all or nothing kind of person. I don't test the waters, I jump in from the highest ledge I can find. I started reading anything and everything I could find about women who love women, I posted an add on an Internet dating sight and made plans to move to Las Vegas because there was no way in hell I was going to be gay in the small town where I grew up.